Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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