once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
