Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
