but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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