i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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