There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
