i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
