I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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