Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
