I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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