Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".

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(859): View more from Kentucky

you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole

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(239): View more from Florida

Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...

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(713): View more from Texas

I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

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(404): View more from Georgia

The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant

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(353): View more from

I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there

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(513): View more from Ohio

I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?

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