did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
