Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
