awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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