Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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