What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
