i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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