trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
