What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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