So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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