maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
