I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
