absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
