I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
