Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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