Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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