My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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