Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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