Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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