Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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