Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
