I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
