ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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