I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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