The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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