Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
