I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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