it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
