well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
