Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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