in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
