we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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