You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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