1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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