I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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