The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
