somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
