Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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