My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
