my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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